Week 6 of Global Entrepreneurship Program:
It’s been over a decade since I’ve dreamt about moving to Paris to study French and work in fashion industry. It’s been almost four years since the first day that we’ve met and bonded over our mutual dream to live in France. And it’s been almost four months since you’ve been gone.
There are moments in my days when I wish that life was like a video game. Sometimes I wish we can all just hit a reset button and reverse the mistakes that we made or bring back the lives that were lost. Sometimes, I wish I can just close my eyes and shut it all off.
I’m only 21, but I feel as though I don’t enjoy my life as one, but rather as someone who is in their 30s. I am constantly consumed by the worry that I am wasting my time if I am not doing something productive. I certainly feel much older than I am and I can physically see in the mirror that I am aging away my youth…
Sometimes I wish I can go back to when I was 16 and relive the best life I had in Mexico. I want to go back to the naive and innocent girl who only cared about school, friends and looking good on the beach. I don’t want to worry about paying bills and student loans, figuring my life out and dealing with nonsense drama.
This week has strangely made me feel so incompetent. I think about your life a lot these days. You had so little, yet you were one of the happiest persons I’ve ever known. I don’t know how to figure that part out yet.
Anyways, I miss you buddy and I wish you could’ve been there with me on my weekend trip to Paris. I got to reunite with some old friends and do all the touristy stuff that I had always dreamt and read about doing.
I went to the Eiffel Tower, Sacre Coeur, Luxembourg Garden, Champs-Elysee, Opera House and Le Louvre from just the outside, Notre Dame, this famous cemetery where all these famous people are buried and Versaille. You would’ve just loved every part of it.
The food was really great too. I was bummed that I never got to try escargot, but I did have breakfast, lunch and dinner of champions. They were all jammed packed with carbs and sugar, but they were amazing.
We also accidentally went to a male strip bar. Ha…ha…ha… yeah, I never thought that day would come, but it really did happen. It was exactly what you would think a Chip and Dale club would be. Red decor, hot (gay) men, old women having their second (or third) marriage bachelorette parties, and lots and lots of strip teasing. If that didn’t rob my cradle, I don’t know what can.
I think my favorite part about the trip was feeling like you were with me in spirit. Though I didn’t really have the energy to get crazy and wild, it still felt like we were celebrating living life in France together. Your spirit definitely lives on with me as every shot, every dance and every happy moment goes out to you. Again, I miss you so much and it’s times like these when I wish you never passed away so early in your life. I’m sorry that I never went to your funeral, but I just couldn’t bare to see you get buried. Anyways, I’m sure you’re having more fun popping champagnes in heaven and I hope that you save me some for when I join you one day.
Tu me manque mon ami~
xoxo from Paris with love,